Since “social media” has been a thing, I have been a stalker.  Not the creepy, “you’ll be mine one day” kind of nightmare stalker, but that quiet, in the background so you’ll never know, virtual stalker.  In the early days of Facebook (and even now), I love scrolling through and seeing what’s going on it the lives of my friends and family.  Then Instagram came on the scene, and much like Facebook, I am one hell of a virtual stalker.  In the 6 years I’ve been on Instagram, I’ve made 66 posts.  And of those 66 posts, I have overthought, rewritten, re-photo’d about 99% of them.  And I can guarantee you that for each of those posts that I DID make, there are 10 pictures on my phone that I took thinking I was going to post something but didn’t.  I am SO in my head about social media!?! WTF. Actually. 

I have a wonderful friend/client that has given me such great social media advice and support over the years. And I hear her tell me how easy it is, and how I just need to do this, and record that, and bada-boom, bada-bing, I’m a social influencer (LOL – NOT!).  And logically, yes!? It IS just that easy, but the second I grab my phone and go to post, it happens.  My stomach tightens, my heart races, my brain goes blank, I don’t know how to put a sentence together, let alone, come up with an engaging blurb. 

“Is it too long (I obviously tend to ramble ;P)? Too short? Too boring (ugh…I’m talking about money and taxes, and budgets – hell yes it’s boring)? Just stupid?! [Delete – Delete – Delete]”

And that’s just the shit going through my head about the content.  I can’t even tell you the insanity that goes through my head when I try to post a picture or video of myself!  Holy Shit its debilitating! 

“Is that really what my voice sounds like? Ugh, I sound like an idiot? Why can’t I speak like a normal person – Uh..Uhm..Like – SHUT UP!!?! Ew, my hair looks awful.  Can I get any more bags under my eyes?! How the hell does this light ring “help” me if all I see is the stupid reflection in my glasses?” (ok that’s a legit complaint – seriously glasses peeps, what do I do?).

For those of you that totally love social, this probably sounds insane.  And it is, I admit it.  But man, try as I might, I just can’t shake it.  I’ve got some work arounds in place and have now got someone that will take care of 90% of this for me.  And honestly, I think that will help…if I don’t have to see it or do the actual posting, I think I’ll be able to get over the discomfort…until I have to login and see it live – haha – I need therapy, I know.

I was recently slapped in the face with the reality that the way I feel about social media, is basically how many creative entrepreneurs feel about money, taxes, budgets, and books. 

Wait, what?  Go back and read those paragraphs about my negative self-talk but just flip “social media” for “taxes” or something…doesn’t sound so insane now, does it?!

So, for me, doing taxes is as easy as it is for you to hold up your phone and record a story.  But I GET how debilitating it can be to have this looming “tax” or “bookkeeping” or “budget” thing that does nothing but make you nauseous. 

Ok let’s dial it back.  We weren’t born scared of social media, or taxes, or money.  This is something that we learned over the years – yes, you can likely blame your parents.  They were the biggest influences in what we know (or don’t know), and how we feel about money. 

As women, we get the extra conditioning that we aren’t SUPPOSED to understand numbers and money.  That’s what we have husbands for after all, right? [barf!!!].  Who has it ingrained in their brain that their just “not a numbers person”?  I call bullshit. 

The reality is that we’ve been conditioned by society that as women, we should be concerned with pretty things.  With children, and caregiving, and our spouses.  With makeup, and rainbows, and bunnies.  We are supposed to get married, have kids, and let our partners take care of all the “hard stuff” like money, and taxes, and bills.  We don’t need to worry our pretty little heads about that. 

So, to try to deprogram ourselves, let’s start by talking about some of the things we tell ourselves (or just believe) about money…

1. Money is the root of all evil

This might seem a bit extreme (evil? Really?) but I know I think it! 

But really, it’s not the money. Money is an inanimate object.  It’s a thing.  It can’t ACTUALLY do anything.  I’m sorry to say, but people are ultimately the “root of all evil” – money just allows them to carry out their evil plots with more ease.  A kind person, on the other hand can do a lot of good with their money.

But money takes the blame for it all.  I can remember as a kid in the room while my parents watched the news and the tsk’ing and comments about how “they’re just trying to bleed every penny out of us” or “all they care about is their money”.  My kid-brain couldn’t distinguish that the “bad guys” here weren’t the governments or corporations…and most of the time, my adult brain doesn’t either

2. There’s only so much money to go around

Oh boy…do we ALL have a scarcity mentality or what?! I don’t know if I’m an optimist or just naïve, but remember the early days of covid when everyone felt they needed to hoard any grocery staple they could get their hands on?  I honestly thought it was insane, but I bought into the fear and did my part in hoarding canned goods, flour, sugar, and yeast.  Do you know that 2 years later I had to throw out the yeast, and I was struggling to figure out what I was going to do with bean and pea soup?  There was no need for all that hype.  There was more than enough for everyone.

And that’s the same reality with money…it’s not really a rare commodity.  So why do we fear its loss so much?

In all my years working with creatives (and in my own world), I’ve seen time and time again, people eek out of tight situations and come out stronger.  They’re scrapping by and boom – hard work and dedication pay off.

3. All rich people are selfish narcissists

This one is hard for me…I believe it to my core.  I grew up hearing passive aggressive remarks about people my parents knew “with money”.  I don’t know that there were ever any bad things said, but it was a feeling I got whenever the subject came up.

I work diligently trying to balance these negative thoughts by remembering those “rich people” that are generous and selfless.  I truly believe that this money myth has held me back over the years.  I guarantee that somewhere in my subconscious, I thought that if I was successful, I would become “one of them”.

The 1 percenters aren’t (all) terrible…and if we ever get to be one of them, just think of what we could do to dispel this myth!

4. A woman shouldn’t make more money than her partner

This is a hard one for society to stomach.  I know how hard it was for my husband when he stayed home with our kids, while I supported us financially. And while, yes it was awkward being the only guy at playgroup, he was the BEST stay-at-home Dad, and our kids are amazing because of it.  What he struggled with was feeling inadequate as a provider, and I’ll admit, there were times that I tried to downplay my role in the family to make him feel better.  He didn’t ask me to, but I felt I needed to because that’s what society expected from us.

I’d like to think 15 years later, that we’ve come a long way in these beliefs. And I think we have.  The “men are the provider” mentality of the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s are slowly being overthrown as ambitious and kick-ass women climb corporate ladders, and lead empires.  Our kids are seeing this, and their kids will, and soon enough the thought of “men” as the providers will be a thing of the past.

5. You shouldn’t talk about money

Never. Not with your family. Not with your friends. Not ever.

I think there’s two reasons that this exists.  First, at least for me, I don’t want to sound like I’m “braggy” talking about money around those that make less; and on the other end, I don’t want to feel inadequate around those that make more. We’re concerned about others’ feelings, as well as our own.

The second is a little more sinister…money is a taboo subject, because the best way to keep people (women) convinced that they can’t deal with something is to keep them in the dark.  It’s impossible to learn how to manage money, save money, or invest money if you’ve never heard it talked about in a normal everyday way.

If all we hear about money is the negative myths above (amongst others), is it any wonder we’re all terrified of it?  Awareness is our biggest ally – recognize what your baggage is and be aware when it’s jading you, holding you back, and down-right sabotaging