About 7 years ago my hubby (Cael) was pulling his hair out dealing with the accountant at the construction company he was running.  I was just getting in a groove with Clear Eyes and as a numbers nerd looking at what was going on…I was totally cringing.  We both knew the solution but weren’t sure it was the best idea.  Could we really work together? SHOULD we really work together??

Well, we took the plunge.  First with the construction companies where I helped with the books, and now with Tailgunner Brewing, where I deal with the money and SO much more – we’ve learned to work together and can honestly say that we love it.

In honor of National Mom & Pop Business Owners Day, Cael and I teamed up with our friends and business owners at Oak and Vine and Drops of Gratitude to share our advice for surviving (and thriving!) when working with your spouse.

Mom & Pop #1: Nemea Beskas & John Papavacilopoulos

Business: Oak & Vine – Craft Beer, Wine & Spirits (in Inglewood – go visit them!!)

What’s your favorite thing about running your business with your spouse?

I have job security and can communicate honestly and with impunity with my spouse. There aren’t any political landmines, jargon, or fragile egos to tiptoe around. I think people who work for themselves are typically fixers and doers, so it’s liberating to work with my spouse who also likes to cut through the verbal/tactical clutter and just get on with what needs to be done.

How do you keep “business” from becoming “personal”?

You can’t, it is personal because you are building a livelihood on your skills/acumen. Credit and blame objectively falls on the people who are responsible so sometimes it’s hard not to beat yourself up or be critical of your partner if things go sideways. Very few people can truly compartmentalize work and home when they work together (I envy those people). For the first few years, work took over almost every conversation until we saw our young kids roll their eyes as in "here we go again". We have made an effort to at least keep work topics away from the dinner table but it’s only as good as the self-discipline of both people. It literally came down to one person saying, "I’m not talking about work anymore, I’m at home now." and slowly boundaries were created that ultimately saved my sanity.

Also, it took time to learn what the spouse was like in a work setting. We are different people at home than we are at work so that was eye opening.

What have been some keys to being able to successfully work with your spouse?

Splitting our core functions according to individual strengths. E.g., one person is better at accounting so they take on that function. Of course, we can ask the other partner for input/second thoughts when big decisions need to be made but it is more efficient to let the person with a higher competency in specific areas run their core duties with autonomy and authority.

Would you do anything differently?

Of course, but the things that I would change only became obvious to me now that we’ve slogged through the tough years of setting up a business. I have loads of advice for my former self but for sure negotiate a good lease. We were hamstrung by a bad lease at our first location so that is something that I would warn all bricks-and-mortar businesses starting out. It may seem obvious, but I underestimated how a bad location/lease can affect our bottom line regardless of how efficiently we tried to run our operations.

Mom & Pop #2: Laura & Terry McKinnon

Business: Drops of Gratitude (in Southcentre and Market Mall – go check them out!!)

What’s your favorite thing about running your business with your spouse?

We’ve been working together with Drops of Gratitude and raising our kids, and honestly, being able to dream together and focus on the same goals that will benefit our family has been amazing. 

How do you keep “business” from becoming “personal”?

We create (and remind ourselves when necessary!) boundaries on how much time we spend working on our business while we are at home together.  The kids often make this easier!  Clear communication is also a key…we are always working on this one ;)

What has been some keys to being able to successfully work with your spouse?

We like to divide things up - specific jobs and responsibilities clearly identified at work has been important. We also both contribute equally to our home responsibilities, and we have business and personal life “meetings” to make sure we are on the same page.  With so much going on, these are so important for us to make sure things don’t build up! 

Would you do anything differently?

Not really!?  Maybe have both of us included in the finances from the beginning so we were both up to speed on it all.

Mom & Pop #3: Cael & Tanya Tucker

Business: Tailgunner Brewing Company (Sunalta…seriously, come visit us!)

What’s your favorite thing about running your business with your spouse?

This one is easy for me. I have an extremely supportive and capable wife that works extremely hard on developing and operating Tailgunner Brewing Company.
Beyond being literally the most valuable person in the company, she is my soulmate, and we work with each other and for each other.   Everyday we discuss and work together to build and run the business.  Not only does my wife work fulltime and then some on the Company, she also manages to work fulltime on her own growing business that supports our family while we continue to try and make a living with Tailgunner Brewing Company.   I honestly cannot think of an incident when our business conversations have not been solution- based while at the same time collaborative on how to make things better and more efficient.   She is the only person in the company that does what she says and never complains.  Tailgunner Brewing Company would never have started or continued to operate without her.  As with all experiences, both the highs and lows in a marriage, I am grateful to be able to work everyday with my wife!

How do you keep "business" from becoming "personal"?

This really boils down to two factors.  Communication and Perspective.   As with all couples that work on their relationships, you constantly need to be communicating effectively and sincerely with how you are feeling and how you are "reading" your partner’s responses and communication.  We have been together for over 25 years and in that time we have always had tremendous respect and love for each other.  If something is bothering us, we talk about it and do our best not to let things build up and boil over.   I am not sure the last time we even had an argument.  It is not lost on me that this is primarily because she is an extremely patient person.

What has been some keys to being able to successfully work with your spouse?

See above! 

[my 2 cents…I AM an extremely patient person ;) hahaha. But honestly, I think the other key to success for us has been that by working together we both “get” when the other person is in a mood.  We know what’s happened throughout their day and can totally understand why they might be cranky.  Before working together, I’d have those self-conscious moments thinking that the negative energy was because of me (I know, ridiculous). Now I can empathize and sometimes commiserate with him instead!]

What would you do different?

I would like to go back in time and not start a business in a highly competitive market just before the two years of Covid agony started.   Besides wishing upon a star, I would have taken more care of my stress level during those years and been more proactive on start up costs and enforcing roles and responsibilities with other people involved in the company, which of course is easier said than done, but this would have helped eliminate or at least ease the amount of work my wife had to do because others would not, could not, or do poorly.

Cael is way too nice, you guys, but I’ll take it <3

There you have it! I hope you could pull some nuggets out of our advice if you ever work with your partner.  While I was nervous about what it would do to our relationship at first, I have to say, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I think it’s not only been great for our businesses, but has truly helped us connect even more.